Stop Giving Your Power Away
leaders are made, not born
Good Morning Sunday Friends,
Today’s topic is about unknowingly giving our power away. This is sneaky because it’s often disguised behind good intentions of displaying modesty, wanting to make the people in your life happy, or simply wanting to look good in front of others (because who doesn’t want that).
As a woman, there are many benefits to keeping your power in your life, especially if you are looking for ways to be a better leader. Leadership can come in all our roles, including motherhood, careers, community involvement, and relationships.
There is a subtle balancing act of communication and action that protects our power and enhances our presence and influence in our environments. Some people are naturally good at this. Everyone knows these charismatic geniuses who can captivate any audience, consistently winning people’s support and commanding respect, even in their absence. I spent a long time thinking about this talent in others, mainly because my military career prompted me to study it.
So, what was I missing? I had good boundaries, was quite stern and matter-of-fact in my speech, was never “too nice” in my communication, and was highly knowledgeable and reliable in my work. Yet, I couldn’t figure out where I kept falling short in receiving the respect I needed to feel grounded and empowered in my life (within reason, of course—I’m not encouraging narcissism here).
Well, I discovered that this tactful balancing act also has an insidious evil shadow twin when, if not checked, we slowly commit acts of treason against ourselves, creating unwanted circumstances of disrespect, rejection, and feeling invisible. If you’re feeling unmotivated or apathetic, lacking drive or enthusiasm for your goals or passions, can’t seem to find a vision for your goals or future, or are feeling invisible in the presence of others, it’s because you may have inadvertently disconnected from your inner purpose and sense of agency. This is giving your power away.
Let’s dive in.
Living with Loss of Power
When you consistently give away your power, you open the door to a host of negative emotions and situations. These can range from frustration and confusion to feeling stuck or unable to change your circumstances. You may find yourself emotionally or physically drained, feeling insecure or unworthy, doubting your abilities, worth, or decisions, or feeling disconnected from your desires, emotions, or identity. Worry or fear about making mistakes, being judged, or not being good enough can become a constant companion, signaling that your sense of security is tied to external validation.
Giving your power away can also lead to feeling lost or regret over missed opportunities, unfulfilled potential, or compromised values. Experiencing frequent irritability, frustration, and uncertainty about who you are, what you want, or where you're headed.
How does this happen?
Giving your power away happens when you allow outside influences, whether they are other people, situations, or your own negative thoughts, to control your emotions, decisions, or sense of self-worth.
It can be subtle, but when we do it, we end up chipping away at being respected by others. I’m not saying this to shame or blame yourself. I am sharing this as an awareness tool so you can observe yourself and see where you might be unknowingly giving your power away. Let’s look at some examples.
Seeking Validation from Others: Constantly needing approval from others before making decisions, or relying on others' opinions to feel good about yourself.
People-Pleasing and Dishonoring Your True Self. : Prioritizing others' needs and desires at the expense of your own boundaries or well-being can lead to resentment and burnout, as you compromise your true self to keep others happy.
Lack of Action: Avoiding taking risks or speaking your truth out of fear that others won't accept or approve of you can prevent you from living authentically and pursuing your true desires.
Blaming Others for Your Feelings: When you attribute your emotional state entirely to someone else's actions or words, you give away your ability to manage and take responsibility for your own emotions.
Staying in Toxic Relationships: Remaining in unhealthy relationships, whether personal or professional, because of fear, guilt, or a sense of obligation can prevent you from living a fulfilling life.
Attachment to Outcome Letting your happiness depend on external factors like material success, job titles, or relationships rather than cultivating inner peace and self-worth.
Negative Self-Talk: Allowing your inner critic to dominate your thoughts, telling you that you're not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough, can undermine your confidence and sense of agency.
Ignoring Your Intuition or Decisions: Discounting your own inner wisdom and intuition in favor of what others think or advise, even when it doesn't feel right for you.
Not Setting Boundaries: Failing to set or enforce boundaries in your relationships, which can lead to feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or disrespected.
Fear-based Decision-making: Delaying decisions or actions out of fear of failure or judgment, allowing fear to control your life choices, or allowing fear to be the root of your reasons for making decisions.
The biggest thing I see is not wanting to acknowledge our worth because of fear of being seen; the vulnerability can be overwhelming.
Keeping Your Power and Letting It Shine
Keeping your power has many life-enhancing benefits, both personal and professional. It means increased self-confidence, greater resilience, improved relationships, emotional stability, greater fulfillment, and empowerment to lead and inspire others. This would be my dream come true for all my fellow ladies!
Keeping your power involves cultivating habits and mindsets that help you stay in control of your emotions, decisions, and sense of self-worth. It involves staying true to your values, setting boundaries, and making choices that align with your authentic self, ensuring your true self remains the primary influence over your life, well-being, and decisions.
Here are some things you can start implementing in your life to regain your power and earn the respect of a true leader.
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish and enforce personal boundaries to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. This includes saying no when necessary and not allowing others to overstep your limits. If you struggle with boundaries, read this article here and here.
Practice Self-Validation: Rely on your own judgment and values to affirm your worth and decisions rather than seeking constant approval from others. If you have spent much of your life seeking external validation (which is completely normal in Western culture), you may need to start small with this. Start making small decisions based on your truest desires, without any care or attachment to the outcome.
Trust Your Intuition: Listen to your inner voice and trust your instincts when making decisions, even if they go against external advice or expectations. Again, if you need to start small, begin by listening to your body and honoring what it needs. Listening to your body is a great gateway for growing your intuition. For more practice on this, read this article here.
Prioritize Self-Care: Regularly engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This strengthens your resilience and ensures you’re making choices from a place of wholeness, not depletion.
Own Your Emotions: Take responsibility for your feelings and reactions. Recognize that while you can’t always control what happens to you, you can control how you respond. For more on tracing your own awareness around your feelings, click here.
Stay True to Your Values: Make decisions that align with your core beliefs and values rather than compromising to fit in or please others.
Communicate Assertively: Express your needs, desires, and opinions clearly and confidently, without fear of judgment or rejection. For more on this, click here.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build a network of relationships with people who respect and uplift you rather than those who drain your energy or undermine your confidence. For more on this, click here.
Continue Learning and Growing: Invest in your personal development through learning, self-reflection, and embracing challenges. This strengthens your sense of self and your ability to navigate life’s complexities.
Practice Mindfulness and Presence: Stay connected to the present moment, which helps you remain grounded and reduces the influence of external stressors or negative thoughts on your decisions.
Let Go of What You Can’t Control: Focus your energy on what you can influence and release the need to control outcomes or other people’s behavior.
Honor and Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small, to reinforce your confidence and sense of accomplishment. Reflect and take credit for the things you’ve done or influenced. There is a big difference between remaining modest or humble and flat-out denying yourself the acknowledgment of your worth.
One of the biggest takeaways today is to make decisions based on alignment with your true self. You can start practicing this simply by taking one dilemma in your life and reflecting on it. Strip away all other circumstances and be honest with yourself about what you want. Then, take note of all the reasons why you won’t make that decision. Reflect on these reasons. Are they truly standing in your way? Or is it fear?
I hope you have a lovely Sunday. I can feel fall creeping in a little, and I’m so excited. Over the next few weeks, we will cover topics in intuition, fear, and the beauty of being human. Till next time!