The Power of Presence in Emotional Regulation
How being in the moment can change your life
Good Morning, friends! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I sure did. I love me some canned cranberry sauce and I ate it alllll (don’t judge me). I can’t believe it’s already December and that we are moving into 2025!
In the next few newsletters, I want to discuss the ideas of presence, flow, and gratitude, especially as they relate to emotional regulation. The holidays can be stressful, so this is a great opportunity to practice these areas more. These are also proven attributes of prosperity and abundance, so implementing these practices in the new year is a perfect way to kick off 2025.
This mini-series will benefit everyone, and it is especially for you if you feel scattered, unorganized, impatient, reactive to life, irritable, restless, avoiding silence, or if life feels chaotic and you just want some peace.
Let’s start with presence.
How often do you catch yourself replaying past conversations or worrying about something in the future, completely missing what’s happening right now?
I feel I should clarify that the future means anything that is beyond this moment in time. So even if you’re worrying about something happening today but not in this moment now, it still counts.
If you’re like most people, the answer is all the time. Our minds love to wander and future problem-solve, but the truth is we create more stress on ourselves than reality presents.
I know this firsthand; my first round of life was not easy. I was the master of future problem-solving, and I must say, I was damn good at it. However, I wish I learned presence a long time ago. I would’ve spared myself a lot of trouble and heartache. Worrying about the future or the past is bad for your mental and physical health. I will spare you the science on this as I wish to focus on the benefits of presence today.
So, what is presence? Being present means being truly engaged in the here and now, and it can shift one's entire perspective on life. I’m not proposing you discontinue all future planning, as that is not practical or wise. There is a difference between planning and worrying; today is about finding that line for yourself.
Presence means a more peaceful and prosperous life. It is about tuning in to yourself, your surroundings, and the people around you. And bonus: practicing presence now will make your future go more smoothly without you having to try. You’re welcome :)
The art of presence is available to all people in all life circumstances. it isn’t something some are automatically gifted with, and it’s not only for the lucky. It’s not only accessible to neurotypical people. It’s also not limited to those who have less stress in their lives. In fact, the more you practice presence, the more you will reduce your stress. And, to my neurodivergent friends, practicing presence is one of the best things you can do for your brain.
Here’s why it matters and how you can start practicing it today.
What Does It Mean to Be Present?
Being present is the practice of fully experiencing the moment without judgment or distraction. It does not involve worrying about yesterday’s problems or thinking about tomorrow. Instead, it involves being aware, open, focused, and bringing your whole self to each moment.
Presence isn’t something extra you add to your life—it’s the essence of living your life.
Some simpler examples: it happens when you’re savoring your coffee, noticing the sunlight streaming through your window, or truly listening to a friend without thinking of your response.
Some more pro examples: not letting that critical email ruin your entire day, pausing to appreciate the colors of a sunset even after a stressful meeting, choosing to respond calmly in a heated discussion instead of reacting impulsively, or finding that space where it can be true that you are stressed but know you are radically okay at the same time.
The Benefits of Presence
When you practice presence, life feels less chaotic and more intentional. In every area of life, presence enhances your ability to thrive, helping you navigate challenges, build your resilience, cultivate joy, and experience life more fully.
The benefits of practicing presence impact mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and physical well-being.
Mentally, being present sharpens your focus, helping you concentrate on the task at hand while reducing distractions and boosting productivity. It nurtures clarity and rational thinking, allowing for more thoughtful and intentional decision-making, which enhances problem-solving skills. Presence also minimizes overthinking by quieting mental chatter, reducing feelings of irritability and negative self-talk, and limiting self-beliefs.
Additionally, practicing presence enhances memory and cognitive function by improving working memory capacity, enabling you to retain and use information more effectively in the moment. It fosters cognitive flexibility, helping you shift attention between tasks and adopt new perspectives, which boosts creativity and equips you to navigate challenges with greater ease and innovation.
Emotionally, presence enhances your ability to regulate emotions by creating space to observe them without reacting. This fosters a sense of calm and balance. Additionally, presence activates the parasympathetic nervous system—your “rest and digest” mode, helping to lower stress hormones like cortisol and ease anxiety (for more on this, click here). Staying grounded through presence also increases resilience, enabling you to face life’s challenges with greater stability and composure.
Socially, presence transforms relationships. It allows you to fully engage with others, making them feel seen, heard, and valued. By tuning into others’ emotions and needs, presence enhances empathy and communication (click here for more on the benefits of empathy). It also encourages thoughtful, deliberate responses rather than reactive arguments, which makes for healthier interactions and conflict resolution.
Spiritually, presence deepens your awareness of the good things in life, cultivating gratitude and awe for the moment (we will cover more about the benefits of gratitude and awe in the next few weeks). It aligns you with your values and purpose, helping you focus on what truly matters to make your life happy. By letting go of regrets and anxieties, presence cultivates a profound sense of inner peace and contentment.
Physically, presence supports better health by reducing the harmful effects of chronic stress, which can lower blood pressure and improve immune function. It promotes better sleep by clearing mental clutter and creating a restful state of mind. Additionally, presence minimizes mental fatigue, conserving energy that would otherwise be drained by worry or multitasking.
The Science of Being Present
Research supports up what ancient wisdom has always known: presence works. Here’s what happens when you practice it regularly:
Your Brain Changes for the Better. Mindfulness practices (like focusing on the present) increase gray matter in your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and focus. This helps you respond to situations thoughtfully rather than impulsively. They also calm your amygdala, your brain’s stress and fear center. This means less stress and anxiety in response to triggers. Translation: More calm = less chaos. Bonus: Over time, practicing presence can reduce the emotional charge associated with certain memories or situations, helping you respond more calmly.
Better Hormonal Balance. Presence lowers cortisol, the stress hormone that floods your body when you’re anxious or overwhelmed. Chronic high cortisol levels are linked to a variety of health problems, including heart disease, weight gain, and impaired memory. Mindfulness has also been shown to increase the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine (your happy feelings), which improve overall well-being and emotional stability. Additionally, presence supports the regulation of melatonin, the hormone responsible for sleep, helping to improve sleep quality and create a more restorative nightly routine.
Reduced inflammation and improved immune function. Practicing presence significantly benefits the body, including reducing inflammation and boosting immune function. Studies have shown that mindfulness can lower levels of pro-inflammatory cytokines, which are markers of inflammation associated with chronic diseases such as diabetes, arthritis, and depression. Additionally, mindfulness strengthens the immune system, likely due to its ability to reduce stress. Regular practitioners (qualitative results) often report fewer illnesses and faster recovery times, demonstrating how presence supports both immediate and long-term physical health. (For more on inflammation impacting your emotional health, click here).
Better Heart Health. Practicing presence supports better heart health by promoting relaxation and improving heart rate variability, a key marker of cardiovascular health. This helps lower blood pressure and creates a state of balance within the nervous system. Additionally, the stress-reducing effects of presence contribute to a decreased risk of heart disease, offering a powerful way to protect and enhance long-term cardiovascular well-being.
Enhanced Pain Management. Mindfulness has been shown to alter the brain’s perception of pain by reducing activity in the somatosensory cortex and increasing activity in the prefrontal cortex. This helps people manage chronic pain more effectively.
You Feel More Grounded. Focusing on the here and now activates your parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest and digest” mode), helping you feel physically and emotionally grounded, and reducing inflammation. (for more on inflammation and emotional regulation, click here).
How to Practice Presence: A simple start
You don’t need hours of meditation or a mountain retreat to start practicing presence. Here are a few ways to integrate it into your daily life:
1. Start with Your Breath
Your breath is your body’s tool for bringing you back to the present moment.
When life feels overwhelming, take 10 seconds to focus on your breath.
Inhale deeply for four counts.
Hold for four counts.
Exhale slowly for six counts.
Repeat for a few cycles.
2. Engage Your Senses
Next time you’re eating, walking, or even sitting outside, open up and tune into your five senses. Ask yourself:
What do I see, hear, and feel around me?
What textures, colors, tastes, or smells do I notice?
This simple practice brings you back to the here and now, grounding you in the richness of the moment.
3. Set Mini Check-Ins
Set a timer or use your phone to create mindful check-ins throughout the day. When it goes off, pause and ask:
What’s happening right now?
How do I feel?
This practice takes less than a minute but can shift your day in meaningful ways.
What About When It Feels Hard?
Let’s be honest—being present isn’t always easy. Your mind will wander. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to stay present every second; it’s to notice when you’ve drifted and gently guide yourself back.
4. Connect with Nature
Nature has a way of effortlessly bringing us into the present moment. Spending time in nature, even for a brief moment, grounds you, calm your nervous system and invites you back into the present. Step outside, even for a few minutes, and:
Notice the feeling of the ground beneath your feet.
Listen to the sounds of birds, wind, or leaves rustling.
Feel the temperature of the air on your skin.
Open your heart space and feel the surrounding nature in your heart
5. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful way to anchor yourself in the present moment. Take a few seconds to acknowledge something you’re thankful for, no matter how small. It could be something as simple as the warmth of your morning coffee.
To make it practical:
Pause during your day and think of three things you’re grateful for in that moment.
Say them out loud or write them down.
Feel the appreciation fully—notice how it shifts your mood and pulls you into the here and now.
Gratitude turns what you have into enough and brings you face-to-face with the beauty of the present moment.
This Week’s Challenge
Take one small step to practice presence this week. Pick one or more of the exercises above and try it out. It is a muscle to be flexed. If you lose focus after a minute, that’s ok. Kindly bring yourself back and try again. Presence is a practice, not perfection. Every time you bring yourself back, you’re building a habit of living intentionally. The more you do it, the more you benefit, and eventually, you will live a more present life naturally (reaping all of the benefits above).
Presence isn’t about adding another thing to your to-do list. It’s about showing up for your life, one moment at a time. The more you practice, the more you’ll notice how much life has to offer right here, right now.