Hello My Loves, and welcome to the last week of July!
We are wrapping up our series on resilience, and today's topic is quick, practical advice on intentionally managing our expectations for more grounded and centered living.
By setting realistic expectations in daily tasks and relationships, we are less likely to experience disappointment. Unrealistic expectations can lead to repeated feelings of failure, which can be demoralizing and stress-inducing. Understanding that not all goals will be achieved exactly as planned fosters a growth mindset, in which setbacks are seen as opportunities to learn and grow.
When expectations are managed, people are more open to change and can adapt more quickly to new circumstances. This adaptability is a key component of resilience. Knowing that not everything will go perfectly helps individuals prepare mentally and emotionally for potential setbacks, reducing the intensity of negative reactions.
Benefits to the magic of managing expectations.
Improved problem-solving: With realistic expectations, individuals are more likely to engage in practical problem-solving rather than becoming paralyzed by overwhelm.
Resourcefulness: Managing expectations encourages resourcefulness as you learn to work with what you have rather than constantly striving for what might be out of reach.
Balanced Emotions: When expectations are aligned with reality, emotional responses are more balanced. This means less extreme highs and lows, which contributes to emotional stability.
Positive Outlook: Managing expectations helps maintain a positive outlook, as individuals are better able to appreciate progress and small victories rather than focusing solely on unmet expectations.
Self-efficacy: Setting and meeting achievable goals boosts confidence and a sense of self-efficacy. This belief in your ability to influence outcomes is a cornerstone of resilience.
Feeling Success: Recognizing incremental success builds a cumulative sense of accomplishment, making it easier to tackle bigger challenges over time. Plus, it adds to your self-efficacy.
Better relationships: Managing expectations involves clear and honest communication, which strengthens relationships. Misunderstandings and unmet expectations often lead to conflict and stress.
Mutual Support: When expectations are shared and understood, it fosters an environment of mutual support and understanding, which is vital during difficult times.
Prevents Burnout: Realistic expectations ensure that efforts are sustainable over the long term, preventing burnout and fostering ongoing resilience.
Here are ways we can effectively manage our expectations on a daily basis:
Barometer: This is standards vs. judgment. Everyone should have standards as their measuring stick for life. However, we want to be careful that we don’t mistake standards for judgement. Standards are weightless and effortless. They align with our core values, and they come from our center. Judgment feels like criticism, shame, blame, and guilt. If we catch ourselves in the latter toward ourselves, others, or the situation, we can use the opportunity to observe and self-refkect (as discussed here).
Use your calendar: Keep a daily schedule and allow enough buffer time for each task. Additionally, schedule at least 15 minutes of rest time each day (see the article here for reference). Review your schedule at the end of day, take note of what didn’t get accomplished, and simply move it to tomorrow for action. Be open to adjusting deadlines and milestones based on new information or circumstances. Scheduling helps prevent overcommitting- which leads to overwhelm.
Clearly define your goals: Ensure the goals are realistic and attainable. Align goals with your values and long-term objectives. Focus on high-priority tasks and break them down into manageable steps- put these in your calendar for action.
Clarify Expectations: Communicate clearly with others about your expectations and understand theirs. This reduces misunderstandings and aligns mutual goals. Never assume the other person knows what you want. Often, disappointment comes when we set expectations in our heads that the other person didn’t even have a chance to agree to. Then, we proceed to hold them to a standard they didn’t know they were being judged against. This goes for all relationships in your life – work, home, friends.. etc.
Feedback: Regularly seek and provide feedback in your relationships to ensure that expectations are met and adjust them as necessary. This also goes for all relationships in your life.
Seek support and mentorship: Find mentors or role models who can provide guidance, share their experiences, and help you set realistic expectations. Life coaches are amazing for this! Engage with supportive friends, family, or professional networks that can offer encouragement and perspective.
Self-evaluation and progress: conduct realistic self-evaluations of your performance and progress, without harsh self-criticism. Practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Recognize that setbacks are a normal part of any journey. This will help to cultivate a mindset that embraces change and sees setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate small achievements along the way to stay motivated and maintain a positive outlook. Keep a gratitude journal to focus on the positive aspects of your life and accomplishments, which can help balance your expectations.
Enjoy your Sunday, my loves. Next week, we will discuss rejection and healthy ways to manage this unpleasant experience. Happy Leo Season to you all! I hope it brings much love and power 🔥